Achieving a Work-Life Balance and How I Still Suck At It
My radio silence over the past week has not been intentional. I have a stockpile of recipes that I’ve patiently been waiting to share with you and somehow, an entire week just passed by with nada. Nothing! Not a single recipe. August and these first weeks of September have been unexpectedly and expectantly packed. Two trips, three visits from family visiting from out of town, and outside work projects have made it really hard to focus on this space as much I’d like to. It’s a constant balancing act and one that I’m still struggling to figure out.
Work-life balance can be a very tricky thing.
One of my goals over the past year (and something I promised myself when I transitioned to blogging full-time) was to create a better work-life balance. Prior to this, I was balancing a 50-hour a week job, commuting two hours a day in the worst traffic imaginable, and spending nearly all of my free time desperately trying to create recipes and keep up with this space. It was a choice that I was consciously making and one I would make again, but it was taking a toll on me.
As crazy as it sounds, I was constantly beating myself up for not being more of a workaholic. I always felt like I could be doing more. Always more. Why? Because everyone else around me appeared to be managing it all (and a zillion other things) a million times better than I ever could. Truthfully, it still feels this way. When I wasn’t working on the blog, I felt guilty and lazy and when I was working on the blog, I inevitably felt guilty for not spending more time with my family and friends.
I was spending too much time on my phone or computer, or thinking about how I hadn’t posted in a few days (and was disappointing you), or desperately trying to capture moments with my camera, but not really living in the moment. Does that make sense?
As much as I love all of you (in a non-creepy way) and this space (so, so much!), I’ve come to the realization, after a few years, that I don’t want my life to be defined by work. I simply don’t function well this way. It’s not in my DNA and honestly, this type of lifestyle doesn’t make me a very enjoyable person to be around. Does that make me a bad blogger? Maybe. Could I be more successful–however you define that word–if I did function this way? Probably.
Truthfully, I don’t know.
I feel so incredibly lucky and grateful to have the resources and opportunity to do work that I find incredibly fulfilling. On the same note, I don’t want to wake up when I’m 80 years old and have regrets. It was why I made the difficult decision not to go to nursing school so many years ago (and instead, enrolled in culinary school), one of the reasons why I left the restaurant world, and the number one reason why I felt it was necessary to take the plunge and try to do this thing–whatever that may be–full-time.
I needed to find that balance again. Have I achieved it? No. I’m not even close. It is something I struggle with daily and truthfully, I’m not sure if I’ll ever figure it out. This is a one-woman show and I’m human.
When we moved to Chicago three months ago, achieving a better work-life balance became even more of a priority for me. With Connor working extremely long hours and not living in close proximity to family, I want to be present when family has the chance to visit from out of town, during Connor’s scheduled vacation time, and when days call for putting down the computer and simply enjoying life. Doing these things recharges me, inspires me, and ultimately allows me to continue to do, or at least attempt to do, my best work. But sometimes things get crazy, I can’t get as ahead on work as I intend to and things go by the way side. It has taken time to understand and acknowledge that beating myself up about it (as easy as it is to do) doesn’t make a me a better wife, friend, sister, sister-in-law, daughter, or daughter-in-law. It certainly does not make me a better blogger.
Over the past five years, I’ve come to the healthy realization (although, I probably couldn’t always say this) that my success and work is and should not be defined by page views, the number of social media followers I have, or whether or not my recipes go viral on Pinterest.
My number one goal is to be authentic, share recipes that make me (and more importantly, you!) excited, share my passion for cooking and photography, and connect with my readers. My proudest moments have been when I’ve received comments, emails, or messages from you. Your generosity, kindness, and willingness to trust me in the kitchen blow me away on a regular basis. Just the other day, I received an incredibly kind email from a fellow Chicago resident (hi Patti!), who had noticed my trepidation regarding Chicago winters, and generously shared tons of ideas, places, and acitvities that Connor and I can visit and do during the upcoming winter months. I mean, how freaking amazing is that?!
Why am I even talking about this? As I was traveling home from a work trip this Wednesday, I listened to this podcast episode and it struck a chord with me. Honestly, I’m not even sure why, but I felt compelled to bring up the topic of work-life balance (and my continual struggle with it) and just lay it all out on the table. Whether it’s scary or not (it is always a bit nerve-wracking to hit “publish” on posts like these), I want to be as transparent with you all as much as possible.
So, if you’ve ever experienced this yourself or are a fellow blogger struggling to figure out how to do it all just know that I’m right there with you. And a huge thank you to all of you for being so patient and supportive of me, my inconsistent blogging schedule at times, and being here. It means so, so much to me!
On that note, if you have any amazing advice, tips, or resources on how you’ve managed to do it all, please share your wisdom with the rest of us! Hope you all have a great weekend!Â
26 Comments on “Achieving a Work-Life Balance and How I Still Suck At It”
I LOVE this post… and I am so with you. Â Blog/life/work balance has been a constant struggle for me. Â I adore blogging – and am still very much in the nascent phase of my blogging adventure. Â I would love to be able to devote more time to it and “up my game” but my awesome life keeps getting in the way. Â Travel, kids, weddings, a new job, moving… yikes. Â I’ve finally come to peace with the fact that it will be a marathon project, not a sprint… that quality over quality is important… that the pageviews don’t matter. Â I’ve learned to treasure the connections I’ve made with awesome people through my blog – and look forward to slowly building my collection of stories and recipes over the years as (hopefully) my life settles down a bit… Â Thank you, thank you for this post!
So happy that this post was helpful or reassuring in some way MB! 🙂 I totally know what you mean (and I don’t even had kids yet!). And gosh, moving is always so hard. I totally agree with everything you said!
I cut back from posting 5 days a week to 3, thinking it would help me with the work-life balance and also focus on posting only the best things but somehow I don’t feel as though I have any more time. I think I just filled in the time I was using before to write up the extra posts to now work on social media or other random blogging to-do list things. I recently found out that some bloggers hire virtual assistants to help with such menial things but honestly I don’t make enough money from my blog to pay them to do such things. But I digress, definitely good to take a step back and breathe every now and then. I’ve never noticed that anyone gets upset when I have to take a little break and I don’t see a significant change in my pageviews either.
I totally understand the feeling! I ended up posting maybe just once more when I left my job (I was originally thinking about posting 5 days a week), and truthfully, most of the freed up time was spent putting more focus into each recipe, writing more emails, social media (which I had been neglecting a bit), etc. You’re absolutely right! I have debated hiring a virtual assistant, but am not quite there myself yet too. I just need to figure out the most efficient way to do it. I DO agree that posting less does not necessarily have any impact on pageviews! Thanks for your thoughts Erin!
I love this post. Thank you for being so frank because sometimes it is easy to feel like you are the only one experiencing this kind of overwhelm and if only [x] were different, everything would be ok. I think it is a lifelong journey to try to get to the point of balance, and that point might shift at different times of your life, but the fact that you’re working on it is an achievement in and of itself. I know none of your followers would ever want to to read content if they knew it was at the expense of you living – and enjoying – your life, your family, and your (AWESOME) new city 🙂
Thanks Nora! It was so great seeing you the other day. Totally agree with everything you said. Blogging can sometimes feel like an island, you sort of forget that probably everyone has the exact same struggles (and you can easily think you’re the only one!). And YES–I gotta enjoy Chicago, right? Especially before winter hits! 🙂
Oh, girl, I could have written this post myself. It’s why I took a whole month off from the blog this summer. And honestly? It was the best decision I’ve ever made for me and my blog. I know that’s not necessarily an option for everyone, but it is so important to step back every once in a while and take a BREATH. Then, when you return, revitalized and re-energized, your work is ever the more inspired and creative.
So don’t feel guilty for needing to step back a bit every now and then — it’s good for you, for your family/friends and for your career. You need to live life in order to have something to share with others! And when you come back into the fold, everyone is still there, excited to have you back. Oh, and PS? NO ONE is doing it all. We’re all just trying to hold it together in yoga pants and last night’s makeup. 😉
Thanks Stephanie! xo I totally admire you for taking the month off and can see how it could be so beneficial. You also have your adorable baby girl, which makes this balance significantly more difficult. I think I’m going to be better about just taking off a week or so here and there (maybe 1-2 times a year) and truly stepping away. Sometimes building content in advance can make that concept stressful, which is exactly the opposite of what a vacation is supposed to be. Also, loved your sentence about yoga pants and makeup. So true 😉
Laura, I have never commented on your blog but felt compelled to on this post 🙂 I appreciate you trying so hard to maintain authenticity with an internet that allows people to be vague and fake in order to maintain appearances and gain followers. You’re doing an excellent job!Â
As I’ve gotten older and gone through much self-reflection, one thing that has helped me with the work/life balance struggle is to accept that ‘having it all’ just doesn’t exist. It’s a matter of perspective and is very subjective. The idea of ‘having it all’ and ‘doing it all’ is a terrible one that women need to let go of because it does nothing but create stress and feelings of failure and unrealistic expectations. Â But more importantly, having it all means something different to everyone and it’s very helpful to realize and accept that one persons definition of having it all is going to be different than your definition. Once you define what it means to you and work toward accomplishing that, you may feel much less stressed about it and more at peace. I found that once I figured out what was important to me and started living that life, it didn’t matter what others were doing. As long as I stay on my path, it’s much easier to let go of the internal pressures.Â
xox
Thank you SO much for commenting Erin! Really appreciate it–and your kinds words! I think I’ve definitely come to realize that ‘having it all’ just simply does not exist, and the people that appear to have it all, probably do not have it all together. I totally agree that women tend to feel all the time. Thank you for all your thoughts and input! I’m trying to get better at time-management, turning off my phone (or at least, placing it far away from me, haha!), and going to bed earlier! 🙂
Lady – I am RIGHT THERE with you. Beautifully written, as always, and I want you to know that your personality, and your unique take is why I come to read this beautiful blog (aside from the fact that I consider you a friend!). So I’m just excited to see whatever it is that comes out of your amazing, creative mind when you’re happy and really enjoying yourself! If it’s half as good as what you’ve managed while you’re stressed then it’s going to be UNBELIEVABLE! xxxx Sarah
Thank you so, so much Sarah!!! You’ve been such a great friend to me! I’m definitely going to still be here (in fact, one of my goals is to post more frequently–I might be crazy or just unrealistic?), BUT I wanted to share how balancing everything continues to be a struggle (regardless of the fact that I don’t have my other full-time job anymore). Basically, my biggest goal is to figure out how to manage my time better, be more efficient, and figure out more resources that allow me to do this. As I’m sure you know, there are a million things that go into this whole blogging business–not just the posts themselves! 🙂Â
Thank you for such an honest and open post, it is very brave of you, but bravery always wins me over. One thing that did me the world of good, was to allow myself a holiday. Yep, we went away for 2 whole weeks and I didn’t touch my blog. I felt so refreshed, rejuvenated and bursting with ideas after our holiday. When I look at my writing, post holiday, it is much closer to how I wrote in the beginning of my blog. My suggestion is that you schedule breaks/holidays where you can’t go near your blog. Mentally it will take pressure off and you can ‘allow’ yourself time to enjoy what you are doing in the moment. I hope this helps x. Sammie http://www.feastingisfun.com
Yes! I absolutely agree that giving yourself a holiday and telling yourself that you will absolutely NOT be working on a weekend day or whatever it is, is essential. When we went to Africa on our honeymoon, I had absolutely no choice but to completely disconnect. It was probably the first time I’ve truly disconnected in almost five years of blogging (not something I’m necessarily proud of, but true nonetheless!). It helps that Connor has assigned vacation time, so I’m planning on taking time during these weeks (I might post or schedule ahead of time, but I’m going to try my best to not do other work during it). Thank you Sammie!Â
Thank you so much for posting this! I just had a ridiculously long afternoon trying to do some blog post cooking/pictures and feel like it was a total failure. I’m tired and beat down and not feeling good about my blog. Reading your post was very comforting to realize that even a successful blogger like you has challenges managing the work/blog life. Since my site is still in its beginning stages I’m really trying to find a balance between that and my work/personal life. Thank you for opening up and encouraging me to keep going!
Aahhh, yes, I’ve definitely (definitely!) had those days. Yesterday, I was trying to get work done and got distracted by a million other things. I’ve definitely had some success trying to block certain times to do 1-2 things, rather than trying to do like 5-6 things in a day. It’s something that I need to constantly remind myself to do, and I absolutely need to get better at turning off my phone, stepping away from email, etc, as that can easily steal up a HUGE chunk of my day! Don’t be discouraged and keep chugging along. I’ve found that it helps to write down a goals list, write why you love to blog, and keep at it! 🙂Â
Laura I am so happy and grateful you decided to post this today. Â I felt like I was sitting right next to you as I read this post. Â You seemed so open, vulnerable, and willing to share your struggles. Â Although my blog is recipe driven like yours, one of my strongest intents is to share my challenges, successes, life experiences honestly so that anyone else going through something similar knows that they are not alone. Â And in this, you are not alone!! Â When I find myself in a similar state and start thinking, “how does everyone else get all of this done and stay so balanced and centered!?” It is always helpful to me to remember that I only know their outer world and internally they could be as distressed and unbalanced as I feel. Â I think posts like yours help us all come together and share our challenges so that we can boost each other up when necessary, rather than be intimidated by how well-put-together the other seems to be. Â Looking forward to seeing what you do next!
Thank you so much Kathryn! I’m so happy to hear that the post was helpful to some people, and just hearing yours (and a few others) thoughts and similar feelings is just another reason why i love this space as much as I do. I absolutely agree with what you said! One of my strongest intents and goals is to share more personal posts, such as these, and be a bit more vulnerable. Those are the posts that I end up admiring the most from other bloggers!Â
Thank you so much for the well wishes! I’m not planning on changing anything around here, just wanted to share my struggles 🙂Â
I love this post because this is something I struggle with on a daily basis. I constantly feel like there are never enough hours in the day to get anything done. I also have a 2 year old who takes up 125% of my time, and it’s really, really hard because I want to spend as much time as possible with him, but I also must have time to blog because, without a creative outlet, I’d go insane. We are going to be moving back to Charleston within the next few months, and I’m so looking forward to being able to get my whole family into a routine so I can feel like I’m doing everything I want to do. I’m desperate for balance in my life, and it feels good knowing I’m not the only one out there who is struggling.Â
Thank you so much for sharing Amber! Truthfully, I have the biggest admiration for people that have to juggle all of these things WITH KIDS. I don’t have kids yet, but I can imagine how difficult that would be.Â
I totally get the feeling of being torn between two things! My biggest advice is to just avoid giving yourself a hard time for it, when you do have to choose (easier said than do, obviously), and realize that we’re all struggling with it, as you said. I think being able to be around family, who can offer to help, will also be wonderful! Best of luck with the move!Â
I absolutely love this post. Taking some time to get your mind around this whole work-life thing is a great idea. I keep coming back to this space because I feel that you ARE authentic, so when a new recipe pops up in my Feedly I am always filled with glee. Keep doing “you” girl! We’re here for you always. xoxo
Thank you so much Katrina! You’re the best, and always are so supportive! I so appreciate it. I’m not planning on going anywhere (I actually have a post and giveaway coming up on Monday), I just felt compelled to bring up work-life balance, because it’s such a struggle sometimes 🙂
Laura, I totally feel you! I just moved and am staying with my fiancé’s relatives, so I don’t have my own kitchen to work with. However, since my new day job is only four days a week, I’m beating myself up about not getting more done for my blog since I have 3 full days a week to cook and shoot. It’s not worth it because I just end up feeling bad! For me the hardest part is actually sitting down to write the post after I’ve edited all the photos (since the photo part is my favorite). I’ll get online and start getting discouraged about how other people’s posts are longer/funnier/more well-written/have way more viral potential, whatever.
I think your decision to prioritize family is a really good one! Time away when you need it is really the only choice. Your blog and photos are always so gorgeous and your readers will be here whenever you get back!
Oh my gosh! Moving is so stressful. Seriously, it might be one of my least favorite things to do…ever. Not having your own space is even more difficult (and kitchen, agh!). Don’t beat yourself up! Everyone needs down time and things always take a million times longer than they appear to take.Â
I completely agree! My most time-consuming part is sitting down to write the post, not necessarily the photos, etc. Just because it requires a lot of concentration and thought. My biggest piece of advice is to avoid comparing yourself to other bloggers (as hard as that can be sometimes)–and instead, just be inspired or encouraged by them! That mindset can help so much. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts!Â
Very well written. This just reminds me that it doesn’t matter what you do for a living or what your life is like, or how busy you are. It seems that everyone struggles with the work/life balance issue. Years ago I quit my corporate job in HR to pursue running a cat sitting business. For about 12 years, I worked 12-15 hours/day, 7 days/week with no days off. I am serious. I was very happy that I was able to grow a very successful pet care biz, but I literally had no life. I hadn’t dated for years and balance did not even exist. Then I met my now husband and all of a sudden I had a life and it was easy to balance. Well, relatively so. It was easy because life felt so good. Now that we are settled in to sharing this wonderful life, it’s darn hard to balance! I still spend hours upon hours in front of my computer running the biz, and juggle maintaining our home and caring for 3 high maintenance pets. Can you imagine if I had children? I can’t! I work from home and I still can’t find enough time in the day to get everything done and struggle with making time to exercise. But in the end, I would never want to go back to having no life and no balance. The key for me is getting out of bed early enough so I have several more hours in the day so I don’t have to sit in my office all evening during the week, ignoring my husband who is very easy to please and doesn’t ask for much more than my love.
Thank you so much for your thoughts and support Leslie! I completely agree, I think its a struggle for everyone, regardless of what you do. I also think that Americans tend to place too much value and emphasis on work, in general, compared to a lot of other countries.Â
Running your own business is incredibly difficult, so I can only imagine how hard you worked! And YES, I can’t even imagine how people do it all when they have kids. That boggles my mind. My hope is that you just have to adapt and you figure it out along the way. I’m definitely trying to get myself to wake up earlier, as I find that my most productive hours are in the morning! Now I just need to work on getting myself to bed earlier to make it less painful. 🙂Â